With the first Star Trek reboot, Abrams and the Bad Robot crew put all of their effort into creating a brand new timeline, where the adventure could be as bright and shiny and new as the lens-flared bridge of the Enterprise. With Into Darkness, they redoubled and refocused those efforts into saying “Nope, never mind.” While Darkness is indeed a fresh spin on the Star Trek franchise, it is nonetheless a mish-mash of three classic Trek stories (Which, for spoilers purposes, I won’t say here. But when you watch the movie, you’ll know.), and not a whole lot of extra room for imagination. Both of the new Trek films are essentially the same platform, moving in apparently opposite directions.
That being said, it’s a fun film, but little more. It’s clear that the intent was to straddle the line between new content and a nod to the past, but every nod had my Trekkie girlfriend and I doubled over for most of the movie. Into Darkness falls into the same trap with clever references that Iron Man 3 did with witty banter: they pop up every six minutes, turning serious moments into the ubiquitous, “Ah! I see what they did there!” sort of moments. Worse still, each and every nod is the sort of nod that you mention half-heartedly to your friends while the trailers roll: “Wouldn’t it be funny if they did this?” you’ll say, and Trek delivers.
My continuing disappointment with New Trek, while the movie was fun, is that it neglects to carry over the deep sociological and philosophical stance of the original series (and indeed, every series besides this one). There are no social issues confronted, no great revelations about the nature of humanity or society. Even the welcome attempt at diversifying the bridge crew with a variety of new people/species falls flat. While have an android ensign and a new alien crewmember seemed cool at first, the effect is lessened when their vocal effects sound identical. Never even mind the fact that we learn neither of their names.
All told, you should see the new Trek film if you’ve seen any Trek film. If you’re a fan of the classics, have your grains of salt handy. Large, large grains of salt.
and somehow I still have a girlfriend.
Grignak Ultencrow, the former half-orc chieftain from the South, leads the party of four forward into the dungeon’s abyss, the stone hallway twisting and bending around the warm glow of his outstretch torch. His footsteps padded by enchanted soles, he walks paces ahead, aware that even the lightest footstep can set off any one of a multitude of traps, left centuries ago by wary architects, seeking to ward off those who might seek to use what lay inside the vault at the end of the maze. It had been agreed that Ultencrow would walk first— his thick hide (reminiscent of the genetic birthright of his people) would be most likely to withstand the sudden dangers they had been warned about. Leitrus, the human cleric, reads aloud from his notes on the location as they walk.
“… Bursts of flame, followed by arrows… probably poison-tipped. And that’s only if you’re lucky, and don’t accidentally rest on a circular stone.”
The elf, their guide through the forest that lead them to the overgrown remains of the outpost, stops Leitrus with a slender arm. Grignak saw it, too: the movement. Ahead of them, the rectangular slabs of stone ripple and shift and bubble, forming all at once the shape of the minotaur: the silent guardian of the deep labyrinth. Heaving all of his weight forward, Grignak leaps at the stone soldier, thrusting both arms forward.
High above, at the table of the place known as “Kyle’s Mom’s Kitchen,” the young (but incredibly powerful) man known only as the Dungeon Master admonishes Kyle, he who plays the role of Grignak Ultencrow, to perform the impossible maneuver known as “the grapple check.”
This is what any Dungeons & Dragons player will tell you is the worst moment of any game: when the action of the story is broken up by the call for a game mechanic that is nonsensical, broken, and (most notably) “stupid.”
I have some cool-ass friends.
Gull is back performing his Cover of Beyone’s Halo.
